Ramen: World Salvation
by HoNdeR
Summary: Called upon from the great entities of creation, Naruto must gather the ingredients needed for a mystical recipe that can procure the only food able to sate the Armageddon. Just how much randomness can one story talking about the end of the world hold?


**A/N: So I haven't really been writing anything for Fanfiction purposes as of late, having busied myself with other tasks such as schoolwork, my own novels and countless other things I find my daily life occupied with… Well, they might not be that many, but still they are eating away what precious time I have. I wish I could cast a spell so that more minutes could be squeezed out of each hour of the day, so that I would have more time to attend to other things I want to.**

**Aside from that, here is a comedic/romantic three-fourshot story I had been contemplating since Christmas yet never decided if I wanted to publish or not. You see, there are many things in here some people might consider humorous, some might not. I don't have exactly the best sense of humor, but I do hope that I did well on this try. So, this chapter will introduce you to the purpose of our young heroes. Carry on now…**

_**Ramen: World Salvation**_

_**By HoNdeR**_

So, a regular morning is supposed to be that one where people wake up, brush their teeth, eat breakfast and go on with their daily routines, no?

That's supposed to be it, give or take. And for that particular reason, with that thought in mind was that Naruto woke up with an unsettling feeling creeping in his stomach. No, it wasn't the usual craving for ramen that so much described and fulfilled his appetite on any normal day, it wasn't a regular illness that most people fell prey of for he was a jinchuuriki, immune to such things.

No. It because he craved for something more… something more than ramen, something more than medicine pills, something more than even French toast itself…

He wanted Peanut Butter.

Jelly.

Even though he had no idea what that was.

This night, yes, this particular night, he had a dream. Common, you say? But, this was a dream that gave him the inspiration of a lifetime, the dream that brought a purpose upon him that was blessed by the Gods themselves!

'_Naruto…!' _the great voice had said in his dream.

'_You much teach the world… something that was lost thousands of years ago… something that I myself can't bring to create at the time being… I'll need your help, brave Shinobi…' _the voice was booming, magnificent, strong, it was God himself I tell you!

And out of the whiteness came a figure… dressed in pure white, with hair grey like a cloudy sky and skin black like… charcoal?

Wait… God was BLACK?!

"Who… who are you?" Naruto asked the _black _entity, who just smiled that kindred smile of his on the blonde _Japanese _boy.

"I come by many names, most common of it being 'God', Kami if you like. But you can call me Black. Serious Black." He paused for a moment "Or Joe. Whatever you like." He waved it off with one hand and Naruto's jaw dropped even more.

"But why are you here?! Where's Buddha??" he questioned, looking around and finally noticing the pure whiteness that conquered everything around him. Hell, even Joe's clothes where white! A pure white tuxedo… he wanted one too.

"He's playing poker with Jehovah and Allah and been busy, so he gave this task of explanation to me." He explained kindly. "Explain what?" Naruto asked, curious as to why an entity would come and talk to him. Maybe they would give him free ramen?

God (or Joe) smiled at the blonde. "Naruto, do you know what holiday is coming up right now?" he asked with that same smile, and Naruto paused to think for a moment.

Depending on how one described _a moment, _that is. In his dream, it took more than a few hundred years, but because the author couldn't wait that long he narrowed it down to a minute. Joe wasn't troubled by the time. He didn't count anyway.

"I think… it's… Christmas?" he asked-answered and Serious (God-Joe whatever) smiled once more.

"Very correct. Now tell me, Naruto, do you know what my son's birthday and the end of the year is all about?" he asked and as expected, with such a harder question, it took him around a couple eternities to figure it out. The author made himself immortal just to write this story, so be grateful.

"Maybe… presents, sweets and lots of Christmas ramen?" he spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. God chuckled.

"Close. But not quite. Christmas is a celebration that one must give and take, Naruto. Thou shall give and thou shall take. That's how the general idea goes. Same for new years'. People gather about cheering and all happily celebrating the end of one year and welcoming another. But…" his smile became a little sad.

"This year, the world will unfortunately meet its end in the hands of Armageddon, the final judgment as it was foretold in ages past." Naruto gaped at the man (or God… or Joe.) as if he was crazy.

"Dattebayo, Naruto. Dattebayo." He said and nodded.

"But isn't there anything we can do?!" Naruto pleaded. How could he let the world be destroyed? That was just unforgivable! No one would destroy his world! Not as long as there was ramen in it!

"There is, and that is why we, the masters of creation, have chosen you boy to be the bearer of salvation." He said with a more serious smile now settled on his features. Naruto gaped again.

"Wait… and why did only you come…?" he questioned

"I lost on the first round of poker, so I came first." He said with a small grin "The reason I came here is simple Naruto, as I said before. I will give you the first clue as to how save the world from annihilation." He spoke

"You'll have to be cunning, fast, smart and unyielding in order to succeed. Do you think you can handle this, boy? Do you think you can save the world from the clutches of oblivion…?" he crossed his arms before his chest and his smile diminished as he watched Naruto _thinking hard _about what he should do. Save the world, or go wake up and eat ramen?

While the second idea nearly came out of his mouth, he stopped dead in his tracks as an image came to his mind…

Tornadoes, flames, earthquakes, sea monsters, Leroy Jenkins, Chuck Norris… all these destructions came and rained upon Konoha like a swarm of locusts, then scurried across the world devouring all in their wake.

The worst of all, was the moment he saw Ichiraku's Ramen been torn to pieces…

That did it.

Then another image randomly flashed his mind, as he saw Sakura and Ino in cultist cloaks kneeling before the well-kept package of a doll…

Then more people appeared, and more people, all of them faces he recognized. Kiba, Shino, The 3rd, the 4rth, the 5th, the Hyuuga clan, Hinata, Neji, Chouji, heck even Kakashi!! They all wore… wait, Tobi was there too, dancing around and farting on their faces.

They all wore those dark cloaks, then a light fell on the entity before them…

Oh.

My.

God.

"I'm here." Spoke a voice beside him that brought him back to reality.

"Is… is it true?" he asked with tears in his eyes and Joe (bla bla) solemnly nodded.

"Indeed. If you fail Naruto, not only will Konoha be reduced to ashes, not only will Ichiraku's Ramen be nothing but dust on the floor, not only will the world crack open in two…" he paused for a moment, as if to fully exhale the horrid words in all their putrid glory.

"Humanity will come to worship the Barbie."

Naruto screamed.

Screamed _hard,_ as the mere idea of this filled his senses, consumed his sanity and then…

Everything was over.

"What… what happened?" he whispered, seeing himself in his room, in his small apartment, in his pajamas. Birds chirped outside his apartment and dogs barked in the distance, rocks hit his window and yelling, laughing children filled the streets.

It was a regular morning in Konoha.

"A wonderful one, I must say." Said a kind, now familiar voice from beside him. He screamed again as he watched the tall _black _man in a _damn too shiny _white suit sitting on a marvelous wooden chair beside him.

Naruto didn't even have marvelous wooden chairs in his apartment.

"I'm God, remember? Πανταχού παρόν και τα πάντα πληρών.»

"What?"

"Oh, that's right. You only understand Japanese." He included with a smile.

"No, I mean, what are _you_ doing here?" he asked, glaring at the man.

"There is no time for this, my boy. Come." He said, snapping his fingers. In a moment, before he could even blink, Naruto's clothes from worn out pajamas became his usual orange jumpsuit, shining with an amazing light that could give the blonde out even in the darkest night… and that says something about his stealth. Or his favorite singer.

And before Naruto could fully comprehend the situation, they where off into the sky…

The blonde yelled in amazement and surprise as he found himself starting at Konoha beneath from above a cloud, easily seeing the whole of the village, nothing left out as even the Hokage monument looked small in comparison.

"Beautiful, is it not, Naruto?" Joe asked, smiling down at the village and at the amazed boy. Naruto nodded rapidly as he kept pointing out at various places he knew and even at a pigeon that flew by and gave a load full drop of its personal waste on some unlucky fellow's head.

Shino was no amused.

"And all this my boy, will be undone should the Armageddon commence. Would your soul bare to allow this, whilst knowing that you had the ability to save it?" he said and picked up a small portion of the puffy cloud. The eerie substance danced and weaved in his palm, but never diminished as it should.

"Take a close look…" he said, bringing it closer to the blonde…

XxxxX

"Neji-ni-san, where are the towels?" Hinata asked, peeking her head over the door to peer at he cousin, who for some reason was swiping the floor with a broom.

"There should be one spare at the drawer, Hinata-sama. And please put some clothes on." He said without turning, making the girl yelp in surprise as she covered herself with her hands, quickly getting back inside and slamming the door close. Neji smirked as he deactivated his Byakugan.

The girl blushed furiously as she titled her head around the bathroom, looking at whatever visible drawers for any spare towel. She soon found one and stepped on the bathtub's edge in order to reach it, since the towel seemed to be deeper than her reach.

She extended all she could of her thin, curved body, trying to reach inside. Her breasts weren't big but not small either, they seemed supple and soft, like pillows. Go figure.

A small waist and firm hips, a body well kept and more beautiful that most of her age.

Well, too bad she hadn't grown taller though. Even as she managed to reach the edge of the towel and grab it, her feet slipped on the bathtub, allowing her to fall (quite ungracefully) and prepare her head for a nice impact with the tiled floor, which would surely not leave a welcoming sensation afterwards, if she didn't break a neck or spine…

Cloudy poofness then enveloped her as she lost herself in thick, firm mist. Images flew by her as she kept falling and falling…

Neji using one of her shampoos and singing 'Numb' in the bathroom, all the while hugging himself.

Hiashi glaring at a piece of paperwork, as if silently commanding it to work itself out.

Chouji dieting for a couple of days, then eating that couple day's worth of food in one.

Ino shaving her legs.

Sakura _dying _her hair pink.

And finally Tenten realizing her last name isn't Norris.

Chuck would never allow.

XxxxX

"Waaa, what have you done?!!" that voice sounded familiar… and why did she smell… ramen…?

"It was necessary, my boy, for this mission you are about to complete can not be handled by half a being alone." That voice sounded more mature, stronger and firmer, yet very kind and soft at the same time, like a grandfather who was lecturing a small child.

"Half? Are you kidding me?! I don't need help!" she heard that all too familiar voice shouting again at the kind one. She slowly tried to open her eyes…

"Then you shouldn't clutch at her like that, should you, Naruto? Since she's naked too after all." He sighed "I do remember Eve and Adam… how they used to run around naked like this… good days, good days." The soft voice continued mumbling in reminisce but there was something else that caught her attention.

She? Naked?? _Naruto?!!!_

Her eyes shot wide open to confirm her whereabouts, and she was most amazed when she found her long-time crush glaring at a tall man in a white tuxedo (Who omg yes, had a _very _dark skin color), he held her firmly against his chest as if he was holding a lifeline.

"You could have killed her like that!" his grip became stronger, pushing her against him. His body heat was so warm… his breath coming in and out in rapid succession, she could almost hear his heart beating loudly behind his clothes and skin.

"Remember who I am, Naruto? You think such 'human' mistakes could occur in my presence?" the man asked in that same kind voice. He also wore a smile that matched said voice pretty well…

"And what did you mean, 'half a being'? I'm worth more than an army!" he yelled again and she resisted the urge to giggle. He could be so funny at times…

"The army doesn't know that, does it? Oh, and she seems to have awakened." The man said, obviously referring to her. Hinata gasped as a blush rushed over her cheeks, Naruto's gaze slowly turning to look at her with an expression that spoke of his surprise more than anything…

And then he crushed her into a hug.

"OH MY GOD! She's ALIVE!! Thank you! Thank you!!"

"You're welcome."

"YOU SHUT UP!!"

The man wasn't phased by Naruto's rudeness… and where exactly where they, anyway?

"About a couple kilometers above Konoha." The dark skinned man spoke as he had read her thoughts… maybe he did. Maybe he even knew of the little staff of candy she had hidden under her bed when she was little and resupplied at chance, maybe he knew of the spare toilet paper she always put in the bathroom for Neji's looooooooooong dumping sessions (Which he liked to call his own battle with fate), and maybe he even knew that she had made a small Naruto doll herself and snagged it against her when going to bed, shed one single tear on it every night for her unrequited love, prayed to whatever God was up there for his welfare, then dreamt of him swimming with her in a large bowl of ramen!! And she was out of breath by thinking all these at once!!

"I know every inch of both of you younglings life." He said, extending one hand. It was then that Hinata actually noticed the softness of the ground… wait, this wasn't soil! It was a freaking cloud!!

Nevertheless, a drawer suddenly sprouted from said cloud, going upwards and upwards till it was lost in the heavens. The black man took one of the folders, opening it. Outside it read:

**Naruto's Sixth Birthday**

It was a damn fine day today. I would be going to Ichiraku's for dinner and that thought alone brightened my everything! We even began the academy! I was straight on my path to finally become a ninja! My schoolmates where interesting too! Well, not all of them. That Sasuke-teme picks on my nerves, so I'm going to make Ino fall on him tomorrow… muahhahah! But not Sakura-chan! She must not be taken away by him!

That Chouji is a fatty, but seems to be a nice person, if you can understand what he says. The Shikamaru-fella is too quiet for his own good. Or he just slept throughout my yelling.

Shino was a really weird guy too. I don't like weird guys…

Kiba is a jerk. That says it all.

And then there's that Hinata girl too. Yeah, she has a pair of cute eyes, but she's really weird herself, not being able to form a phrase right.

Anyways, I'll do my best to have a great time in the academy and make as many friends as possible! Dattebayo!!

**End**

She smiled. That determination and will was what she had seen in him from the first moment she laid eyes upon his form.

Naruto chuckled nervously, he himself noticing the part that he had thought of her as weird… and that she had cute eyes.

But he had told her before that she was weird, and it hadn't mattered then.

"Want me to read what you where thinking a minute ago, Naruto?" God said as the drawer sank rapidly into the cloud, until only the newest folders remained.

Naruto blushed furiously for he _knew_ what the hell that folder held. And it wasn't for her to hear! And why the hell was he still holding her?! And why the hell was she still NAKED?!!

And why the hell was he peeping? Thankfully she didn't notice yet.

"I… I don't think I've seen anything like this before…" he even freaking imitated his tone and way of speech! It sounded like he was so damn pervert! And he knew that these shit would make Jiraiya proud!

He didn't want Jiraiya to be proud. Not for this.

Maybe later.

"SHUT UP!!" he roared, throwing a shadow clone at him. Strangely, that only succeeded in the doppelganger punching the original instead.

"What the heck?!" Naruto yelled in surprise, rubbing his cheek with one hand and holding Hinata with the other, who was still blushing furiously and because of some _divine intervention _(You guessed right), was still conscious and able to take the whole situation in… which shouldn't be doing any good to her blood pressure. Thankfully Joe didn't want her to die on him yet.

"Now, if both of you would calm down and listen." He spoke with that kind voice, closing the file back in the envelop and putting it back in the drawer, which continued to vanish itself within the cloud.

Naruto looked down again, one side of him thankfully to suddenly see Hinata dressed and the other regretting it as well. It was the first time he saw a female body and damn…

"Focus, Naruto." God said, turning his attention back to him.

The scenery though, had changed. Before them instead of the clouded sky with Konoha underneath, they now stood at…

"The roof of the world." He completed his sentence. It was beginning to get…

"Annoying?" he chuckled, while the blonde fumed. Guess it couldn't be helped.

Endless mountaintops stretched as far as the eye could see, covered in clouds and pure white snow, a clear blue sky hanging above them. The scenery was majestic, breathtaking even.

Hinata at least seemed more than awed.

"Now, please sit down so we can begin." He said, pulling three chairs out of nowhere and setting them on the snow. The two genin took their sit carefully, while God sat on a throne of his own, intertwining his fingers on his stomach and crossing his legs.

"A-ano… eto… m-may I ask who you are?" just to get over with it, God also made her stutter go away for a moment.

He smiled "Humans have come to refer to me as 'God', 'Kami' if you like. You…" "-can call me Joe too if you like." Naruto finished for him with a triumphant grin. God smiled at him.

"You forgot the Serious Black, Naruto." He said, chuckling as the blonde reddened. Hinata couldn't help her smile as well.

"Aside from the pleasantries, how you act about what I'm about to tell you will seal the fate of the world." He spoke, seriously this time.

"I spoke before of 'Half-beings'. Ever read the Bible, either of you?" he asked. Naruto shook his head as he had never been much of a reader, while Hinata timidly nodded.

Joe smiled nonetheless. "Well, long story short, when I created the man, I created from a part of him what is now called a 'woman'." He spoke "Alone, you two are half a piece. Together, you are one." He spoke quite simply and Hinata blushed furiously at what this was implying. Could he be saying that they where soul mates…? Was Naruto even aware of that implication?

"Uh… I don't get it." No, probably not.

"You don't need to. You'll understand one day." God said with a smile, at which Naruto could only answer with a grin.

"Now, about what I need you two to do in order to stop the Armageddon." He began.

"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, as you already know. That signals the beginning. The celebration of the New Year signals the end." He spoke.

"When December closes his cycle and the year changes, this world will be consumed in eternal darkness and Barbie worshiping." They both shivered at the idea.

"The only way to stop this, is for you two, together, to gather the three ingredients of legend that will create the ultimate recipe, with which only a master cook will be able to create the only food that can appease the Hope Ender." He spoke seriously and Naruto shivered in his position.

Why couldn't it be Sakura-chan that would help him in this? Wait, if it was Sakura and she knew that he saw her naked, he would already be dead by now… Hinata didn't seem to have paid it too much of a mind… and she did have larger breasts that Sakura… boobies…

"Focus, Naruto. Hinata's breasts are for another time." Joe spoke and both Genin blushed like a volcano ready to erupt.

Naruto chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head for a moment. "So, what are those ingredients you want us to find?" Joe smiled at him, uncrossing his legs and sitting up from his throne.

"I, as the first messenger, will give you the first task. What you have to gather as the first ingredient, would be…" it seemed like he gave it some thought "Hope." He finally said, and both genin simply blinked at him for a moment.

"… Hope…?" they spoke in unison. Joe nodded happily.

"Indeed. Hope. When you find hope, I will be back. Remember, you have a week until judgment day and three ingredients to gather. Carry on now…" and with that, the majestic scenery vanished, the coolness in the air dissipated and both teens found themselves in their respective homes… gazing at the ceiling.

Moments passed as each contemplated what they had just experienced, tried to pass it off as a dream, found themselves unable to by some compelling force, and finally shot up from their beds as a conclusion shot in their minds.

"I have to find Naruto/Hinata!" They told themselves, hurrying to begin the day and their life-altering quest…

**A/N: Thus begins the scalding adventure! Oh, what marvel lies ahead and what more craziness and randomness looms around the corner! Some people might think the end of the world will come with gigantic tsunamis washing over the continents and giant earthquakes swallowing cities up… I think the end of the world will come when pink ponies will roam the streets freely and butterflies will be bloodthirsty creatures out for human meat. Or something of that scale whatsoever.**

**Hope you enjoyed =) Please excuse my absence from authoring here for so long, I'll try to put myself back on track at some point in time.**

**Yours,  
HoNdeR All MiGhTy **


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